To the person who got into our wireless network, downloaded 8GB in 2 days, exceeded our download limit and had our account shaped until next month:
Thank you kindly for doing us this favour. We so enjoy internet that crawls along like a snail, and crashes every 5 minutes when we try to load a page with pictures on it. We are especially thankful that you've done this for us at the time when 2 of us are working fervently on numerous uni assignments.
Email? Who needs to check that reguarly anyway? If a group you're doing an assignment with are SOOOOO desperate to send you bits of their work that you are compiling, heck, it's practically just as easy for them to print it off and send it through snail mail, especially since this would be quicker than waiting for your email to load up. Thank you for helping us to remember the value of this.
Oh, and don't worry about cutting off our main source of information. News, events, searches... we actually find it very soothing to be able to meditate as we watch pages load a pixel at a time.
As for the ability to open numerous websites in new tabs: thank you for disabling this annoying feature of our web browser. It really gets a bit distracting having to flick between tabs to view several pages at once. It's nice to know that these days, if I do happen to click "Open in new tab", luckily for me, nothing is capable of loading with such a slow internet speed. Things are much more simplified.
You have brought us much pleasure. Enjoy your 8GB of new porn... it's clearly all you've got going for you.